12 ways to say 'no'

There is a fantastic saying that I share quite often with people who are feeling overwhelmed or stressed and it relates to being able to get better at saying ‘no’:

‘If you can’t say no, what value is there in your yes?’

Most of us are willing to go the extra mile; we consider ourselves to be nice, kind, helpful people. When asked to do something, we desire to be helpful, or perhaps feel we are not in a position to have a choice or, worse, feel saying ‘no’ is not an option. So taking on more eventually leads to pressure, which leads to stress, which leads to overwhelm. And we need to stop before it stops us.

‘If you can’t say no, what value is there is your yes'?’

Saying ‘yes’ to everything with no filter is not an option

Saying ‘no’ is healthy and doesn’t automatically mean we are refusing to do something. It’s more like a regulator. It enables us to stay free and flexible and do work more effectively in the time available. It is a smart choice to say ‘no’, and this is not about upsetting the requester, just re-setting boundaries.

Choose to re-negotiate and learn to say no

Here are 12 ways to say ‘no’ that enable you to re-start and re-negotiate. Choose the ones which work for you and build your fortitude.

1. I’m sorry. That’s not a priority/a lesser priority right now/today.

2. I can help you with this if we wait until next week/tomorrow. Would that be ok?

3. I have so much on my plate right now that I can’t guarantee a time I can get to this. But I do know someone over here who can help you.

4. Before I take this from you, let me show you a few things you can do about this yourself.

5. I have made so many commitments to others it would be unfair to them if I took on anything more.

6. I will get back to you as soon as I am free to help you with this.

7. I am sure we have known each other long enough for you to know when I say ‘no’, you’ll understand it’s for a good reason.

8. Sure, I can help you with this, as long as we can agree and understand that the items I agreed to do for you earlier/yesterday will have to wait.

9. Before I take this, what do you thikink we ought to do about it?

10. I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is ‘yes’ I can do this for you. The bad news is I am overloaded with everything else and I have not shared how over committed I already am.

11. When I get overwhelmed like I am now, I remove every third person who asks me for something and the second person just left.

12. No. (If you choose this one, smile as you speak).

Find your own words

The last couple of suggestions might be a bit tongue in cheek or go too far for you. You can choose the right thing to say yourself.

Being prepared with a positively phrased sentence (perhaps you need to write it down and rehearse a few times) and where you have thought about language, will help you get this right.

The right tone of voice and non verbal signals will help you make sure you take care of the requester and that your intent comes from a place of respect and care.

Stress and time

Healthy time habits help us manage stress and create calm and space, even if just a small amount sometimes.

Making the most of your time includes being able to say ‘no’. If said with care and thought, and presented assertively, it will provide an opening for re-negotiating some boundaries on your time.

Stick with it. People might need to hear this more than once. Have an outcome in mind.

Help with time and stress - get in touch

Coming out of lockdown now provides us all with the chance for a ‘re-set’ about our time management and not going straight back into stressful work situations. We can’t go back to how things were when they caused us stress!

If you’d like some help - coaching, learning, a zoom session, a facilitated team chat to help learn new habits in this new, more agile, self directed world of work - get in touch. I’d love to hear from you!