Self management when coaching

There are certain responsibilities I have as the coach.  Some are transactional, such as managing time.  Others include managing process, for example.  Managing self is something a coach should adopt too, and I for one work on this regularly, most often in the moment when coaching someone.

Managing self doesn't mean suppressing feelings, rather noticing them, reflecting on reactions, and reframing the situation.  And here is this self management tool I use in more detail:

Noticing - this needs in the moment awareness and the ability to recognise and watch one's feelings "come and go".  Feelings are ignited by having our "values buttons" pressed.  That's fine when a coach recognises this and can, as Dr Albert Ellis developed in his ABC model, separate out the A - activating event, from the B - in the moment beliefs and the C - consequences, i.e. the emotions and feelings.

Reflecting - good reflective practice is good coaching practice.  It involves reflecting and learning from every coaching intervention in order to refine and confirm one's model of coaching as well as to enable every coaching session to be better and more tailored to the individual coachee going forwards.  Pressing pause and reflecting on my reactions to something is another in the moment discipline for self management.

Reframing - once I have noticed and reflected I can reframe.  This is reframing my thinking and in the moment beliefs, being able to hold other viewpoints than my own and valuing the coachee's unique perspective.  I then reframe my language.  Reframing is also part of helping broaden the narrative of the coachee, of course, supporting a new way of having a perspective on something. 

Two other activities support self management when coaching - managing the conversation and managing the relationship.  Managing the conversation builds on what the coachee says and reflects upon and again, takes a moment-by-moment awareness as I communicate.   Learning to pause before leaping in or making a particular point or asking a type of question increases my chances of finding the right language in my response.  Managing the relationship happens continuously as, in the words of Susan Scott, "every conversation counts".  Building trust grounded on real experience is the key.

Self management when coaching begins and ends with spending time in the moment.  My experience of this approach - notice, reflect, reframe - enables me to see things others don't, including even the coachee themselves.   Like everything else, self management takes practice and awareness.